Well, after having spent the evening on my own blog…surfing the web….performing a little self psychoanalysis…. decided I’d check back in here and ………post!!!>>??????

First… let me note that this is not a well visited blog, I do see that the last post was a little over a month ago (and I think you were at the event last night?)  Just seems to be part of the general malaise that is here….hmmmm…..I guess I probably should state that all opinions stated herein are entirely my own, and that I am full aware that what I think I see is entirely from my point of view and is not informed from any other point of view and/or discussion. My observations are my own and as personal observations I recognize that they may entirely be wrong.  But I think I see malaise and I’m not quite sure why.  I know bits and pieces of the story.  I know that the transition has been very hard, very rough, and very discouraging.

But as an outsider I see the multitude of possibilites.  The places where God is at work; and I think I see glimpses and peeks of the future maybes for this place.  You all should be so GRATEFUL for what is happening here.  There really is no place like this in Tucson (at least that I am aware of : )  )   

I fit no place else.  I have questions…multitudes of questions.  I see shades of gray that never were possible in my former incarnation as an evangelical/anabaptist.  I see a place where I can be… and when you learn my story….well, let’s just say that in my life I have learned full well not to trust christians in particular with the reality of my life….  My God, this place is like an oasis in the desert. 

Kevin and Dave…. I have so appreciated the fact that you both talk to me and allow me to harp on my issue so much.  Right now it is a big piece of me… I know that it is not all of me, but this process is still so fresh that it seems that I don’t talk about much else and I sometimes feel sorry for you to have to talk to me knowing that I will probably talk about this aspect of my journey….AGAIN….(ad infinitum) - lol.   I appreciate your concern and listening.

On the other hand…. other than Sandy and Bobbie (who get to listen to the same tapes - lol again) you are the only one’s who have really bothered with me.  Sometimes good (since lately I have not been my normal extroverted self, but have sat and seen just who would approach me….)  mostly bad.  I really desire to be known and to have a spiritual community that can take me where I am and help me find where God is in the midst of this.  It’s a tall order that I ask…. take me, take my family, take my wife with the full knowledge that this family may not survive…and at that point can you handle me, my wife, and kids with that delicate balance that will be needed?   I wonder. 

God, I’m getting maudlin.  Must be the hour.  Or maybe its the genetics coming through.  Next I’ll be singing show tunes. 

The Getting to know you activity was ok from my point of view.  I sat as has been my modus operendi  for a while.  I just don’t have the energy to expend at this point especially since I do travel for the job more than usual and am always “on stage” so to speak. It was a good event for thirty-something people with kids.  Outside that demographic, very easy to allow the birds of a feather to flock and watch from the outside.  It might be helpful to be more intentional about being inclusive.

I have other random thoughts as well.  I’ve invited the former worship leader from the church plant to come tomorrow.  He is 22  and has had a very rough journey as well….too many churches here do not accept us and he has yet to learn the pain of that truth. He landed….finally….at a Presbyterian church, but like me is searching for something that is open and affirming and not stuck in the last century (or in the case of the Presbyterians stuck in the seventeenth century.)  I asked him to come and see what God might speak to him at Aldea.  It would be good for him to come and I hope God does indeed speak to him here…. it might be the start of a good outreach to our demographic which has been sorely neglected by the church and has a tremendous need to connect to God in a place that is indeed living in a postmodern world.

Pax

Jim Brunk